you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
