i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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