i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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