youre lurking in front of me
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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