She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
