Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
