he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
