i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
her facebook's as public as her vagina
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
