I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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