I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
