Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
