Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
