Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
