do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
