We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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