I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
