I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
