I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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