Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
