So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
