is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
