We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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