I could have mohawked her pubes.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize