I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
