I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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