Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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