you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize