you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
