Quick, to the slutcave!
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Farmville is her only friend.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
