i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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