this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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