I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
