You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
