My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
