You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
