toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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