Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
