I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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