im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Randomize
