the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Dear god my vagina.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
