im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
