I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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