First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
