WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
