we have pet lesbian snakes
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize