So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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