I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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