what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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