I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
