you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
