after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
