Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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