my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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