weddingsv make me drug and hornr
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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