Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
