Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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