so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
there is glitter all over my balls
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
