Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
