today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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