I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
