why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
