I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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