your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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