i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
