Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
