she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
