when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
