Buhtt sex?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
