I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
my mouth tastes like poor choices
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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