I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
