My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
