so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize