I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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