As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
