you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize