I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
