Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
