im having a threesome with these popsicles
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
