i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
