My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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