Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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