Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
