tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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