I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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