now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
