I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
he's gonorrhea incarnate
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
