just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
