I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
