I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
