I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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