i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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