was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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