you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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