Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
