a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
