i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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