That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
