Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
