It's a beautiful day for a hangover
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
