It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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