I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
