last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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