I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
