When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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